Die belangrikheid van die stappe van rou en vergifnis in die herstelproses van die emosioneel verwonde persoon : 'n pastorale studie

Abstract

This study deals with the importance of the steps of grief and forgiveness in the recovery of the emotionally wounded person. The basis theoretical research clearly showed that God is the source of healing and forgiveness. The most important words for forgiveness in the Old Testament is salach, nasa and kaphar while aphiemi, apoluo and charizoma are the most important words for forgiveness in the New Testament. A special focus was consequently placed on these different words and the one overwhelming fact that repeatedly came to the fore was that, if a person has been granted forgiveness by God, he should also forgive his transgressor. The meta-theoretical research has clearly shown that both grief and forgiveness consist of a process that has to be worked through. Losses may be experienced as a result of traumatic events and when these losses affect a person negatively, they must be grieved over. Usually before a person has not completed his grief work, he can not move on to forgiving his offender. For the purpose of the empirical study, five cases of people who experienced trauma were selected and studied. The study highlighted the importance of considering the unique personal history of each individual, especially with reference to unresolved traumatic experiences in this person's past. From each of these case studies the importance of forgiveness came strong to the fore as a determining factor regarding the healing process of the emotionally wounded person. In the practical theoretical section a pastoral model is presented within which the different phases of the process of grief, as well as the process of forgiveness, are very prominent. The six phases of grief are I) shock and denial, 2) anger, 3) depression, 4) bargaining and wishful thinking, 5) sorrow, 6) forgiveness, resolution and acceptance. The process of forgiveness consists of three phases and nine steps. Phase one is the preparation for forgiveness and consists of the following four steps: 1) Forgiveness must be understood. 2) Recognize that forgiveness is necessary. 3) Identify the emotions involved. 4) Confront the hate. Phase two is really the core of forgiveness and consists of the following three steps: 5) bearing the pain, 6) setting boundaries to protect oneself, 7) releasing those who have wronged us. Phase three is oriented toward the possibility of starting over and consists of the following two steps: 8) assuming responsibility, 9) longing for reconciliation. This is a model that can affectively be applied in the pastoral guidance of persons who are struggling with unresolved grief, and consequently are not able to forgive.